Everybody Lies

There is one simple truth in this world: everybody lies. We live in a world of Facebook and Instagram posts where everyone is laughing, popular, skinny, and living perfect happy lives. The world is out enjoying a great Friday night and you’re sitting on the sofa binge watching The Office for the sixth time.

But hidden beneath all the filters, retakes, and Photoshop skills is the truth. Everybody lies and the route to the truth is through internet search histories. Intrigued? I was, so I just finished reading Everybody Lies: Big data, new data, and what the internet can tell us about who we really are. 

People lie to their friends, family, acquaintances, and to surveys. The problem in research is so huge it has an official term- social desirability. Even on anonymous internet surveys people lie about their behaviors and opinions to appear more socially desirable. Thus enters this book which uses internet search histories to answer questions with the least amount of social desirability skewing results as possible.

Now this book is not technically about mental health. Technically this book is about research, technology, and random facts like violent films actually reduces crime rates (because if you’re watching a movie you’re not getting drunk and making stupid decisions.) But this book does have discoveries that can improve everyone’s mental health.

Millions of people have searched up ways to lose weight or get plastic surgery. But the surprising news is that way fewer people have searched up how to convince their partners to change. So for all of you out there with body images issues be comforted by the fact that you are definitely not alone and chances are your fears are yours alone. Your partner loves you for who you are. Or for all the single people out there don’t worry, millions of people are lying about how much sex they’re having.

And no need to feel guilty if you stop midway through that one popular best seller. Turns out the majority of people don’t read books all the way through (which then makes me question why I’m writing this…… oops).

The point is that it is easy to listen to your mental health problems that whisper “You are alone. You are the problem. Everyone else is perfect.” But that voice is lying to you just like socially desirable Facebook posts. Everyone has problems and fears, and now we can even prove it with data.

You are never alone. Just ask the internet!

One positive change at a time- Cat

Managing Anxiety Philosophically

On my summer reading journey I’ve just finished Managing Anxiety: The Power of Knowing Who You Are. This was a book I acquired for free from one of my psychology professors. So I don’t actually know how easy it would be for someone else to get it, especially because the copyright is 1974. But allow me to summarize what I have learned from this surprising read!

First off this book is actually on philosophy, which I didn’t not realize until starting it. Because of the title I assumed it was all about using psychology, but this allowed me to read outside of my normal comfort zone. This book describes philosophy therapy, which essentially is all about embracing emotions and experiences and then analyzing them under a critical lens.

The theory is as follows: You as a human being are in control of your life. While you cannot control others’ emotions and thoughts, you can control your own. Essentially you could decide to run away to the Amazon if you choose to. Emotions are not inherently negative, but can be used to teach you if you analyze it from the perspective of a philosophical outsider.

I find this theory/therapy is best explained through example. So I will apply it to my own life.

Immediate Reality: I am angry at my mother.

Acceptance: My initial reaction is guilt at my anger. I have been taught to suppress my anger, and thus desperately try to avoid it. However, I have something to learn from this anger. This anger reveals that I am alive. I am a human being who experiences feelings, and this is a blessing! This anger also is created from the relationship with my mom. Relationships are constantly evolving, and thus have ups and downs. Because I am fortunate to have a relationship with my mom and enjoy the love and affection we share, I will sometimes experience negative emotions such as anger. Thus, I need to embrace this anger and accept it rather than ignore its existence.

Analysis: My anger at my mother is actually displaced. I am not angry at my mother, but I am fearful of becoming independent. I have built my identity at being the helpful obedient child, and becoming independent means releasing this role. I am fearful and building a new identity and determining my place in a new environment. I am fearful of independence, because any failures will be my own responsibility. I do not want to admit that I am less than perfect. Even though perfection is impossible I still strive towards this never unattainable goal.

New Reality: In actuality I am not angry I am covering up my anxiety. The solution is to accept my anxiety over change. This is a human emotion that everyone experiences to some degree. I need to remind myself that I will fail in the future, but I will also succeed. As long as I learn from my failures I will be improving myself.

This book reminds me that I am in control of my perception of the world. If I view opportunities as chances to fail then I will be consumed by anxiety. If I view opportunities as chances to learn and grow then I will enter the environment with composure.

It is easy to view all anxiety as bad, but anxiety like any emotion is more complex than simply bad or good. I hope readers, that we can all take steps towards creating distance between ourselves and our negative emotions to analyze the root of the problem.

One Positive Change at a Time- Cat

 

On Edge

What I love about the summer is having more time to catch up on all of my reading! I’ve always grown up surrounded by books, and now as an adult my room has four different piles of books I’m going to read and a bookshelf crammed full of books that I have.

The latest book I’ve read is On Edge: A Journey Through Anxiety by Petersen. When I was reading the book I kept giggling, because I related so much to Petersen during her anxiety journey. I felt like I had found my secret lost twin sister who felt the exact same symptoms I did! The book also describes the history of anxiety and how it is treated both historically and currently. Petersen describes some therapies that I had never heard of, but I bookmarked to try for myself.

This book does not hold back in describing her experiences, so it might be a trigger for some. But for me it was a breath of fresh air- a reminder that I am not alone. That others have experienced the crushing tension of anxiety and survived. The book can also get technical when describing the treatments, so if you have never stepped foot into the realm of psychology you will get overwhelmed. These sections are delightfully inter-mixed with personal stories so readers can relate and not lose focus.

Overall I wanted to recommend this book to all of you lovely readers, so you too could relate and devour the wonderful verbose descriptions of anxiety. If you have read this book before tell me in the comments and then we can fangirl together!

One Positive Change at a Time- Cat

AKA I’m gonna go read more now